So shit went down and San Francisco is out, i don't think he's coming back this time, so we are on our own. And as always i have to be the strong one even though what i really want to do is break down and cry hysterically for all its worth, i want to kick and scream and cling to a kinder reality, but i can't do that anymore.
I know what i'm going to do if i'm left alone, its not the best idea ever, it'll hurt a lot of people, but i know what i'm gonna do.
Life screwed everything over once i was finally starting to look forward to my party and it really sucks, i want to pray to a the greater being but my awareness of my own hypocracy isn't going to let me. I only turn and rely on Him when things head one way to hell.
Well whats done is done, we have to get rid of shit and move somewhere else here in town and its gonna suck, i have to head back to school and try my best, even if it kills me.
As for conventions, ya they aren't going to happen after Geek.kon. I just don't know how it would work and i know there's no way in hell i'll have the money or be able to leave this depression in time. And as for depression, ya its worse then ever since i don't have school or anything to use to escape it... i hardly want to get out of bed and i'm depressing my cats, hobbes keeps trying to escape and nico doesn't leave me except a few times a day and when that happens she leaves hobbes there.
Last night i was thinking back to when i was a kid and had to deal with this shit and how i kept myself alive. I remember i killed my imagination creating this wonderful world where i had this amazing family and there was magic and faries and all sorts of other shit that helped me forget about my own reality. I stayed there for so long it was hard to leave it all behind and face everything else. Everytime i fell asleep and dreampt about it, it was still a hard place to reach, there was always darkness i had to get past. It killed Dark on the inside everytime she had to go there, i'm glad she left it all and hasn't gone back. I tried my best not to cry last night since my mom could hear me if i did, i wanted to cry when i thought back to that and a lot of other things, people, and so much more. I'm not sure how i'm gonna come out of this one... i'm not sure if i'm strong enough anymore.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
Geek.kon 2011 line up update
So my line up is a little less demanding in some ways, but harder in others.
Hinata- The older hinata on friday.
Luka- saturday
Reese- My negative on sunday.
So i really hope i can get all 3 wigs, but i'm gonna rely on thrift shops and stuff for mostly all of this!
<3 Lulu
Hinata- The older hinata on friday.
Luka- saturday
Reese- My negative on sunday.
So i really hope i can get all 3 wigs, but i'm gonna rely on thrift shops and stuff for mostly all of this!
<3 Lulu
Talk 14, finals, summer, cats, and my birthday.
Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo i passed all of my finals mostly, well i got passing grades.
S.S.- was my first, we had to dress up, i didn't have dressy clothes that were also weather friendly. It went well but we ran pretty close on time because people read word for word these long ass sentences.
Math- was pretty painless, it happened then Quince and i played with my ipod and listened to music on his phone.
6th- was our lunch period so we skipped out and had a failed photoshoot.
Gym- we played with a vollyeball and got to skip out early.
English- i watched a movie, everyone else ignored it or had to be out of the room for their final.
French- It was painful!!!! But i did ok on it.
Band- My partner and i played our duets ahead of time and just watched the others.
Bio- was nice, i tried my best but didn't do as well as i hoped, my teachers little kid was in the room and he's so cute ^///^, didn't get to take out monty because he hasn't been fed and i wasn't going to take that risk.
And thats my finals re-capped.
Those days were kinda rainy and humid, just how i love it :p. We went to Noah's Arc the next day and it was so fucking cold, Dora kept asking if we still really, really, really wanted to go. This is what was commonly said "We're from Wisconsin, we can take it!" I was about to kick a puppy. But sometimes i've noticed that i don't have fun on the gs trips to water parks so i tried my best to have fun this time. We got wet suits and went for it! We actually had fun, we didn't have to wait in long lines and the water was heated so it ended up being we wanted to be in the water rather then out of it.
Now short little blurb about Nico, she's awkward, she's like a flippers in cat version. Then i've been having bad dreams about Hobbes hating and not wanting to be with me, its really starting to bother me.
Now on to my birthday shit. Well i'm stressed and haven't slept in a few days finishing all sorts of shit, i have to go practice the surprise dance today at 12, fun, but at least i got it down! Both of them! The invitations, dress, and sort of the doll and the pillow are all taken care of, all thats left is the cups(almost done) and the bottles(easier then the cups but getting there too).
Geek.kon with be in another post.
S.S.- was my first, we had to dress up, i didn't have dressy clothes that were also weather friendly. It went well but we ran pretty close on time because people read word for word these long ass sentences.
Math- was pretty painless, it happened then Quince and i played with my ipod and listened to music on his phone.
6th- was our lunch period so we skipped out and had a failed photoshoot.
Gym- we played with a vollyeball and got to skip out early.
English- i watched a movie, everyone else ignored it or had to be out of the room for their final.
French- It was painful!!!! But i did ok on it.
Band- My partner and i played our duets ahead of time and just watched the others.
Bio- was nice, i tried my best but didn't do as well as i hoped, my teachers little kid was in the room and he's so cute ^///^, didn't get to take out monty because he hasn't been fed and i wasn't going to take that risk.
And thats my finals re-capped.
Those days were kinda rainy and humid, just how i love it :p. We went to Noah's Arc the next day and it was so fucking cold, Dora kept asking if we still really, really, really wanted to go. This is what was commonly said "We're from Wisconsin, we can take it!" I was about to kick a puppy. But sometimes i've noticed that i don't have fun on the gs trips to water parks so i tried my best to have fun this time. We got wet suits and went for it! We actually had fun, we didn't have to wait in long lines and the water was heated so it ended up being we wanted to be in the water rather then out of it.
Now short little blurb about Nico, she's awkward, she's like a flippers in cat version. Then i've been having bad dreams about Hobbes hating and not wanting to be with me, its really starting to bother me.
Now on to my birthday shit. Well i'm stressed and haven't slept in a few days finishing all sorts of shit, i have to go practice the surprise dance today at 12, fun, but at least i got it down! Both of them! The invitations, dress, and sort of the doll and the pillow are all taken care of, all thats left is the cups(almost done) and the bottles(easier then the cups but getting there too).
Geek.kon with be in another post.
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