So shit went down and San Francisco is out, i don't think he's coming back this time, so we are on our own. And as always i have to be the strong one even though what i really want to do is break down and cry hysterically for all its worth, i want to kick and scream and cling to a kinder reality, but i can't do that anymore.
I know what i'm going to do if i'm left alone, its not the best idea ever, it'll hurt a lot of people, but i know what i'm gonna do.
Life screwed everything over once i was finally starting to look forward to my party and it really sucks, i want to pray to a the greater being but my awareness of my own hypocracy isn't going to let me. I only turn and rely on Him when things head one way to hell.
Well whats done is done, we have to get rid of shit and move somewhere else here in town and its gonna suck, i have to head back to school and try my best, even if it kills me.
As for conventions, ya they aren't going to happen after Geek.kon. I just don't know how it would work and i know there's no way in hell i'll have the money or be able to leave this depression in time. And as for depression, ya its worse then ever since i don't have school or anything to use to escape it... i hardly want to get out of bed and i'm depressing my cats, hobbes keeps trying to escape and nico doesn't leave me except a few times a day and when that happens she leaves hobbes there.
Last night i was thinking back to when i was a kid and had to deal with this shit and how i kept myself alive. I remember i killed my imagination creating this wonderful world where i had this amazing family and there was magic and faries and all sorts of other shit that helped me forget about my own reality. I stayed there for so long it was hard to leave it all behind and face everything else. Everytime i fell asleep and dreampt about it, it was still a hard place to reach, there was always darkness i had to get past. It killed Dark on the inside everytime she had to go there, i'm glad she left it all and hasn't gone back. I tried my best not to cry last night since my mom could hear me if i did, i wanted to cry when i thought back to that and a lot of other things, people, and so much more. I'm not sure how i'm gonna come out of this one... i'm not sure if i'm strong enough anymore.
No comments:
Post a Comment