summer of 2011 in review and Marching band.

Well ya i had the parade which was so flippin nerve wrecking but fun. I was so nervous i had no idea how to put my uniform on so Adam and Jared helped me when we stopped to take pictures. We walked with our sections back to the start of the parade and got water. It was interesting getting to see the social heiarchy of our sections. At that time i wasn't sure who the section leader was. In many ways i thought it was Nick but its not, its the upper class men that actually helped me.
I had so many issues staying in step so the french horn section leader was continuausly screaming left at probably me, so did Adam/Jared. I think i really tested peoples patience that day.
Marching band was a fun unit over all. I got it pretty easy since it wasn't exactly something that came naturally to me. I always had Adam near me except during 'To much time on my hands', we also played 'Mr. Roboto', and the best of times was our closer. It was a fun experiance and it just over all felt amazing. When i hit the last note in any of the peices, dear god did it feel good. I would hit almost this high, i would feel so alive. I would hit that last note, struggling for breath, shaking like crazy, nothing else the world could matter to me at that moment. At that moment nothing could touch me, reality couldn't reach me, couldn't hurt me. Life... or more like Reality is difficult, most days i feel dead, i feel like i'm watching myself go through life not feeling anything but pain, rejection and the occational love. I love the feeling of playing my saxophone, it reminds me i'm still alive.
Now for a few random little facts. I thought most of the guys and Emmie looked like Princes from behind, especially with their capes.

Marching band sophmore year

The moment i hit the last note in the star spangled banner i was shot with a mixture of anxiety and adreneline. As i struggled for breathe, the note was all that mattered to me. It was an in-discribable feeling, it was like a natural high.


Now its Sunday of homecoming week. And it was amazing. I had a ton of fun this week despite having zero school spirit. tmatl

Yesterday was my first feild show for band. It went well in a few ways. It was just plain epic

Talk: survived my first parade in marching band, it could have been worse. Really great international cosplay day too. EDIT.

My 15th birthday

Ok so i don't want to really remember it all. It was so long, but i think it was kind of worth it in the end. In a way or too.
So the day before was a nightmare but i got through it just like the week leading up to it. My contacts were an issue and I've decided i just don't want them. My family hurt me and I'm getting over it. They did.
There were so many dance lesson leading up to it and i now know i shouldn't have asked my friends to do it. They didn't want to so i feel really bad that i made them do it, if i could go back I'd just have talked my cousins and family friends into doing it.
:The day of i got up early and let R.B. sleep in. I got to the salon and picked out what hair style i wanted and a nice girl who was getting ready for her friends quince was there too, she was super nice and kept talking to make the awkwardness of me not talking less noticeable. Then a girl put a ton of makeup on me and i went home.
:They put the dress on me some how and then we did R.B.'s makeup and stuff, i would have done everything for her differently but my mom was being herself so i didn't even try. My brother came home with like 15 min. to get ready. We waited for a long time and then left for the church. I was late, big surprise. My God parents though were happy to see me and vice versa. Seeing them and Cassandra and Diego calmed me down a bit.
: My heart though was beating in a very strange way randomly and it had been like that since the night before so Diego and Ivan were worried about me, like for half the day one or the other was with me. I saw Diva and Cree who along with R.B. and Amber were my damas.
:We went in and had the church ceremony and Laila was baptised. Unfortunately babies and children tend to cry a lot when in that particular church, or so I've noticed, so Laila was crying through most of it. She stopped when she stole a butterfly from my bouquet.
:My family disbanded and Diego, Ivan and my Uncle took me back to my grandma's house so they could eat. Only my family and Marino came back with me, which actually kinda hurt, i know its stupid but it did. I'm glad that at least the ones that stayed with me didn't leave me.
:Photo shoot time came and we headed out to the botanical gardens. That was long and i had to think of it as doing a photo shoot for cosplay. For that i was pretty alone which wasn't as bad as it could have been. It was hot and people complained and were tired, most of us didn't go to sleep until like 3am the night before.
:On the way back i had to hold on to Diego's coat to calm myself down and so he showed me a video he took of Marino and my cousin dancing together. I couldn't stop laughing. The party was fun i guess, all of my friends made it and we danced and stuff. People ate, i didn't eat anything that day really, Ivan gave me a plate of rice which i didn't really eat, but dear god did i down bottles of soda. I stressed drank so much after my last dress change. Three of my amazing friends(Cree, Emma, Maddie), one whom i might add has only know me for a few months because of like one class, helped me go to the bathroom and take the dress off twice. We also realized I'd hit that time of the month which made everything all the more awkward.
:Later that night I'd greeted so many people, done both the waltz, family/friends waltz(which ended up being just my uncles and a few male cousins) and the surprise dance, taken to many pictures and was ready to just chill. I took my little cousin and ended up putting him to sleep on my pillow pet. We later took pictures of him holding random objects. Around this time my friends were all either gone or were abandoning me, if you haven't realized i have abandonment issues. My family started to approach me, and it was really nice actually, i had some fun messing with Diego and vice versa. Had fun chasing my kid cousins around with a freaking wand threatening to hurt them because they stole my pillow pet.
I think over all i understand now why mothers always want there daughters to have a quince, its a viscous cycle but to my future self, you have to respect your daughters decision to not have one of there own.

Short term update

Love girl= what i'm playing. fighting to stay awake. Gonna die filming and then marching band. Not gonna go home much today. Update later. <------ idk when i wrote that.

Now to update fully in short term, today is 8/25/2011. So my summer is comming to an end and such i'm getting bussier. Its to be expected. Lately my life has consisted of babysitting and marching band. I'll post about marching band and comic con and geek.kon and cosplay stuff soon enough. Right now i felt like blogging and writing and stuff so here i am, hi future self! How ya doin babe?
It also occured to you know, start writing to myself in the future. I hope i can write helpful thoughtful things in here for me to read in the future, or have my own kids or grandkids read this.
and if the above is the case, "hey how ya doin lovey's! ;)"

i am 15

I be 15 Today be my bday, but it sucks.
Well of course it did(editing right now). We all celebrated it before so the actual day kinda sucked, i made my self sick of pizza, stayed up watching pointless tv and so on.