Love girl= what i'm playing. fighting to stay awake. Gonna die filming and then marching band. Not gonna go home much today. Update later. <------ idk when i wrote that.
Now to update fully in short term, today is 8/25/2011. So my summer is comming to an end and such i'm getting bussier. Its to be expected. Lately my life has consisted of babysitting and marching band. I'll post about marching band and comic con and geek.kon and cosplay stuff soon enough. Right now i felt like blogging and writing and stuff so here i am, hi future self! How ya doin babe?
It also occured to you know, start writing to myself in the future. I hope i can write helpful thoughtful things in here for me to read in the future, or have my own kids or grandkids read this.
and if the above is the case, "hey how ya doin lovey's! ;)"
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Saturday, August 6, 2011
i am 15
I be 15 Today be my bday, but it sucks.
Well of course it did(editing right now). We all celebrated it before so the actual day kinda sucked, i made my self sick of pizza, stayed up watching pointless tv and so on.
Well of course it did(editing right now). We all celebrated it before so the actual day kinda sucked, i made my self sick of pizza, stayed up watching pointless tv and so on.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Talk #15, crashing reality, changes, haitus, depression
So shit went down and San Francisco is out, i don't think he's coming back this time, so we are on our own. And as always i have to be the strong one even though what i really want to do is break down and cry hysterically for all its worth, i want to kick and scream and cling to a kinder reality, but i can't do that anymore.
I know what i'm going to do if i'm left alone, its not the best idea ever, it'll hurt a lot of people, but i know what i'm gonna do.
Life screwed everything over once i was finally starting to look forward to my party and it really sucks, i want to pray to a the greater being but my awareness of my own hypocracy isn't going to let me. I only turn and rely on Him when things head one way to hell.
Well whats done is done, we have to get rid of shit and move somewhere else here in town and its gonna suck, i have to head back to school and try my best, even if it kills me.
As for conventions, ya they aren't going to happen after Geek.kon. I just don't know how it would work and i know there's no way in hell i'll have the money or be able to leave this depression in time. And as for depression, ya its worse then ever since i don't have school or anything to use to escape it... i hardly want to get out of bed and i'm depressing my cats, hobbes keeps trying to escape and nico doesn't leave me except a few times a day and when that happens she leaves hobbes there.
Last night i was thinking back to when i was a kid and had to deal with this shit and how i kept myself alive. I remember i killed my imagination creating this wonderful world where i had this amazing family and there was magic and faries and all sorts of other shit that helped me forget about my own reality. I stayed there for so long it was hard to leave it all behind and face everything else. Everytime i fell asleep and dreampt about it, it was still a hard place to reach, there was always darkness i had to get past. It killed Dark on the inside everytime she had to go there, i'm glad she left it all and hasn't gone back. I tried my best not to cry last night since my mom could hear me if i did, i wanted to cry when i thought back to that and a lot of other things, people, and so much more. I'm not sure how i'm gonna come out of this one... i'm not sure if i'm strong enough anymore.
I know what i'm going to do if i'm left alone, its not the best idea ever, it'll hurt a lot of people, but i know what i'm gonna do.
Life screwed everything over once i was finally starting to look forward to my party and it really sucks, i want to pray to a the greater being but my awareness of my own hypocracy isn't going to let me. I only turn and rely on Him when things head one way to hell.
Well whats done is done, we have to get rid of shit and move somewhere else here in town and its gonna suck, i have to head back to school and try my best, even if it kills me.
As for conventions, ya they aren't going to happen after Geek.kon. I just don't know how it would work and i know there's no way in hell i'll have the money or be able to leave this depression in time. And as for depression, ya its worse then ever since i don't have school or anything to use to escape it... i hardly want to get out of bed and i'm depressing my cats, hobbes keeps trying to escape and nico doesn't leave me except a few times a day and when that happens she leaves hobbes there.
Last night i was thinking back to when i was a kid and had to deal with this shit and how i kept myself alive. I remember i killed my imagination creating this wonderful world where i had this amazing family and there was magic and faries and all sorts of other shit that helped me forget about my own reality. I stayed there for so long it was hard to leave it all behind and face everything else. Everytime i fell asleep and dreampt about it, it was still a hard place to reach, there was always darkness i had to get past. It killed Dark on the inside everytime she had to go there, i'm glad she left it all and hasn't gone back. I tried my best not to cry last night since my mom could hear me if i did, i wanted to cry when i thought back to that and a lot of other things, people, and so much more. I'm not sure how i'm gonna come out of this one... i'm not sure if i'm strong enough anymore.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Geek.kon 2011 line up update
So my line up is a little less demanding in some ways, but harder in others.
Hinata- The older hinata on friday.
Luka- saturday
Reese- My negative on sunday.
So i really hope i can get all 3 wigs, but i'm gonna rely on thrift shops and stuff for mostly all of this!
<3 Lulu
Hinata- The older hinata on friday.
Luka- saturday
Reese- My negative on sunday.
So i really hope i can get all 3 wigs, but i'm gonna rely on thrift shops and stuff for mostly all of this!
<3 Lulu
Talk 14, finals, summer, cats, and my birthday.
Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo i passed all of my finals mostly, well i got passing grades.
S.S.- was my first, we had to dress up, i didn't have dressy clothes that were also weather friendly. It went well but we ran pretty close on time because people read word for word these long ass sentences.
Math- was pretty painless, it happened then Quince and i played with my ipod and listened to music on his phone.
6th- was our lunch period so we skipped out and had a failed photoshoot.
Gym- we played with a vollyeball and got to skip out early.
English- i watched a movie, everyone else ignored it or had to be out of the room for their final.
French- It was painful!!!! But i did ok on it.
Band- My partner and i played our duets ahead of time and just watched the others.
Bio- was nice, i tried my best but didn't do as well as i hoped, my teachers little kid was in the room and he's so cute ^///^, didn't get to take out monty because he hasn't been fed and i wasn't going to take that risk.
And thats my finals re-capped.
Those days were kinda rainy and humid, just how i love it :p. We went to Noah's Arc the next day and it was so fucking cold, Dora kept asking if we still really, really, really wanted to go. This is what was commonly said "We're from Wisconsin, we can take it!" I was about to kick a puppy. But sometimes i've noticed that i don't have fun on the gs trips to water parks so i tried my best to have fun this time. We got wet suits and went for it! We actually had fun, we didn't have to wait in long lines and the water was heated so it ended up being we wanted to be in the water rather then out of it.
Now short little blurb about Nico, she's awkward, she's like a flippers in cat version. Then i've been having bad dreams about Hobbes hating and not wanting to be with me, its really starting to bother me.
Now on to my birthday shit. Well i'm stressed and haven't slept in a few days finishing all sorts of shit, i have to go practice the surprise dance today at 12, fun, but at least i got it down! Both of them! The invitations, dress, and sort of the doll and the pillow are all taken care of, all thats left is the cups(almost done) and the bottles(easier then the cups but getting there too).
Geek.kon with be in another post.
S.S.- was my first, we had to dress up, i didn't have dressy clothes that were also weather friendly. It went well but we ran pretty close on time because people read word for word these long ass sentences.
Math- was pretty painless, it happened then Quince and i played with my ipod and listened to music on his phone.
6th- was our lunch period so we skipped out and had a failed photoshoot.
Gym- we played with a vollyeball and got to skip out early.
English- i watched a movie, everyone else ignored it or had to be out of the room for their final.
French- It was painful!!!! But i did ok on it.
Band- My partner and i played our duets ahead of time and just watched the others.
Bio- was nice, i tried my best but didn't do as well as i hoped, my teachers little kid was in the room and he's so cute ^///^, didn't get to take out monty because he hasn't been fed and i wasn't going to take that risk.
And thats my finals re-capped.
Those days were kinda rainy and humid, just how i love it :p. We went to Noah's Arc the next day and it was so fucking cold, Dora kept asking if we still really, really, really wanted to go. This is what was commonly said "We're from Wisconsin, we can take it!" I was about to kick a puppy. But sometimes i've noticed that i don't have fun on the gs trips to water parks so i tried my best to have fun this time. We got wet suits and went for it! We actually had fun, we didn't have to wait in long lines and the water was heated so it ended up being we wanted to be in the water rather then out of it.
Now short little blurb about Nico, she's awkward, she's like a flippers in cat version. Then i've been having bad dreams about Hobbes hating and not wanting to be with me, its really starting to bother me.
Now on to my birthday shit. Well i'm stressed and haven't slept in a few days finishing all sorts of shit, i have to go practice the surprise dance today at 12, fun, but at least i got it down! Both of them! The invitations, dress, and sort of the doll and the pillow are all taken care of, all thats left is the cups(almost done) and the bottles(easier then the cups but getting there too).
Geek.kon with be in another post.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
strong hope and even stronger memory's
So tonight, thursday may ? was my last concert of my freshman year, and gotta admit it was fucking awesome!!!!! It was so much fun, Mr. Schneider was so worried for us because he had us playing things that concert band plays and all sorts of other little things. Everyone loved our preformance, its kinda expected, i mean our band is really good, so i can’t wait to hear us when we are in the wind ensemble.
Tonight was also the Wind ensemble’s last performance together as a class, i can’t imagine how sad they must have been. They were amazing beyond belief. After they were done they played a few movements to a slide show of pictures of them with the colleges they are going to. It filled me with such sadness i almost started crying, i really hope i’ll end up in Minnesota. I was so proud of Chris D. who i’ve always had strong memory’s of. I was so happy he got his scholar ship to a college, he is so talented. I guess i always see in him and in Chance the hopes and the want and talent that Dark always showed to me. Its sad to see them go. I hope him and all the others the best. Mr. Hatch also gave a very lovely speach to us about how we helped him through his depression and gave him hope and support and to be honest i’m glad we did, he’s always so happy to teach us even though we love to test the absolute patience of a human being. The cardnal band was almost in tears we were so happy, we were clapping and cheering and all sorts of emotions were flying our from our side of the PAC. It filled me with a strong feeling, it was hope yet it wasn’t, it was fear yet it wasn’t.
This night will go down forever in my memory, it has also filled me with a sense of hope that can’t be matched. I can honestly say this night filled me a strong feeling of Hope and an even stronger then that is the memory’s its re-kindled and given me.
p.s. thank you Pudding, forever Loyd.
<3 Lulu.
Tonight was also the Wind ensemble’s last performance together as a class, i can’t imagine how sad they must have been. They were amazing beyond belief. After they were done they played a few movements to a slide show of pictures of them with the colleges they are going to. It filled me with such sadness i almost started crying, i really hope i’ll end up in Minnesota. I was so proud of Chris D. who i’ve always had strong memory’s of. I was so happy he got his scholar ship to a college, he is so talented. I guess i always see in him and in Chance the hopes and the want and talent that Dark always showed to me. Its sad to see them go. I hope him and all the others the best. Mr. Hatch also gave a very lovely speach to us about how we helped him through his depression and gave him hope and support and to be honest i’m glad we did, he’s always so happy to teach us even though we love to test the absolute patience of a human being. The cardnal band was almost in tears we were so happy, we were clapping and cheering and all sorts of emotions were flying our from our side of the PAC. It filled me with a strong feeling, it was hope yet it wasn’t, it was fear yet it wasn’t.
This night will go down forever in my memory, it has also filled me with a sense of hope that can’t be matched. I can honestly say this night filled me a strong feeling of Hope and an even stronger then that is the memory’s its re-kindled and given me.
p.s. thank you Pudding, forever Loyd.
<3 Lulu.
Monday, May 9, 2011
talk #13 days blurring
So my freshman year is almost over and done with. I've just had my first communion and it went better then expected. It was kinda fun, i had a ton of food, i got a lot of really nice presents. And now things will go back up hill until my birthday party. Fun.
Either ways i haven't had much of a want to write anything on here in a while, sorry. I always get like this. This is why i can't keep a steady journal, this i can sort of honestly say is a good sort of alternative. Either ways again, i haven't had much time or want to write, draw, edit or make anything. Just sleep, which isn't much of an option with finals closing in on me, T_T.... i so need to push for extra credit and check my grades since i slacked a little and got lower grades then i wanted now i'm scrambaling for either extra credit or to just do well.
Mom's already started in on my birthday crap, my dress is comming at the end of the month. My whole familys coming up for it as well. My friends meet Diego and i don't think i'll ever fully hear the end of it. hehe on an other note i got a new cat. Her name is Nicky but i call her Nico. She's a smallish black cat who likes inclosed dark areas, she's living in my closet, i found her in a drawer, and she's super antisocial except at night when she comes out to attention whore.
Today i skipped out on school, on account of my cold, aunt, lack of sleep, eye appointment and over all me not wanting to go. Some good news, my vision hasn't gotten worse, bad news contacts are gonna be shit expensive T_T sad face. I'm gonna go with my mom to drop off my tia Liz in Milwuakee later today. We had all sorts of issues with her luggage and she was bringing my candle, oh well we dealt.
So this is the time of year where days begin to blur together and i can no longer tell them apart, that sometimes scares me even if i don't like to admit it. A nice break from all that is is always nice, i saw the King and I and could not stop laughing for the life of me. Geek.kon is also comming into view and with that comes all sorts of different head aches and i've got to work my ass of this summer and i've got to do it fast!
p.s. remember- Hank fan club, its a work in progress and it'll happen!!!!!!! ttyl, if i remember <3
Either ways i haven't had much of a want to write anything on here in a while, sorry. I always get like this. This is why i can't keep a steady journal, this i can sort of honestly say is a good sort of alternative. Either ways again, i haven't had much time or want to write, draw, edit or make anything. Just sleep, which isn't much of an option with finals closing in on me, T_T.... i so need to push for extra credit and check my grades since i slacked a little and got lower grades then i wanted now i'm scrambaling for either extra credit or to just do well.
Mom's already started in on my birthday crap, my dress is comming at the end of the month. My whole familys coming up for it as well. My friends meet Diego and i don't think i'll ever fully hear the end of it. hehe on an other note i got a new cat. Her name is Nicky but i call her Nico. She's a smallish black cat who likes inclosed dark areas, she's living in my closet, i found her in a drawer, and she's super antisocial except at night when she comes out to attention whore.
Today i skipped out on school, on account of my cold, aunt, lack of sleep, eye appointment and over all me not wanting to go. Some good news, my vision hasn't gotten worse, bad news contacts are gonna be shit expensive T_T sad face. I'm gonna go with my mom to drop off my tia Liz in Milwuakee later today. We had all sorts of issues with her luggage and she was bringing my candle, oh well we dealt.
So this is the time of year where days begin to blur together and i can no longer tell them apart, that sometimes scares me even if i don't like to admit it. A nice break from all that is is always nice, i saw the King and I and could not stop laughing for the life of me. Geek.kon is also comming into view and with that comes all sorts of different head aches and i've got to work my ass of this summer and i've got to do it fast!
p.s. remember- Hank fan club, its a work in progress and it'll happen!!!!!!! ttyl, if i remember <3
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